WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!! Stop reading if you haven’t watched Sunday’s @TrueBloodHBO — Everybody Wants to Rule the World. Anyone else, just keep going!
While you were wasting the week away at work the True Blood vampires went and started a “holy war” by blowing up Tru Blood factories. What will those crazy kids get up to next? But there is another contingent of troublemakers in Bon Temps: Obama-mask wearing psychos raging war on supernatural creatures and their sympathizers. Oh boy, the blood’s going to hit the fan.
Lock your doors and windows, grab your stakes and garlic and find out what happened on the latest episode of True Blood.
BITTER SWEETIE | Yes, Bud’s brick house of a mistress – peeved because her husband had left her for a shifter – was the, for lack of a better word, brains behind the Obama-masked murderers. The former sheriff was more than complicit, however. In fact, he was so much more than complicit that, when Sookie stopped by to ask what he remembered about her parents’ homicides, he went right along with his honey’s plan to make the clairvoyant and Hoyt a two-course meal for his wife’s pigs. Luckily, one of the pigs turned out to be Sam, who managed to fight everybody off without the aid of pants. When the police finally arrived, Andy saved Sam’s curly tail by shooting Bud, and Luna beat Sweetie even more senseless than she already was.
PUPPY LOVE | After all that, Sam and Luna were ready to go pick up Emma from Martha. But they aren’t likely to like what they find next week, because while they were busy starring in a redneck version of Babe, Russell was giving the little wolfette to new boy toy Steve as a present (and also to punish her grandma for having the nerve to say hell to the no would she drink his blood). In other hairy news, Alcide paid a visit to his deadbeat dad (Robert Patrick) to let him know that he’d been abjured by his pack.
I’LL HAVE A SALOME UN-WRY | As the first of the TB factories exploded, Eric teamed up with Mac from Veronica Mars to hatch a plan to escape from Authority HQ. Though Bill prattled on about some sort of existential crisis he was going through, Eric’s mention of Sookie seemed to bring him around – especially since his part of the plan meant he got to get busy with Salome again. But, at the moment of truth, it turned out Bill had lied, revealing to Salome not only Eric’s scheme to steal away but to take Nora with him.
SMOKEOUT | Determined to get the drop on Terry, Patrick kidnapped Arlene at gunpoint. But during the ensuing scuffle between the two men, the redhead got hold of the weapon and turned the tables. Finally, it was up to Terry. Could he shoot the old friend who got him into this whole mess? Encouraged by the spirit of the woman who’d cursed them, yes, he certainly could (and did). Afterward, the smoke monster made (dare we hope?) its last appearance, devouring Patrick with its… smoke teeth? How would that work, exactly? Anyway, Patrick is gone, and knock wood, so is the smoke monster.
FRESH BLOOD | Pam reminded her progeny that, just because they had a drink together, it didn’t make them “Oprah and Gayle.” Nonetheless, Tara was still there for her maker when a Lestat wannabe smacked her and announced that 1) he was Eric’s replacement sheriff, and 2) the ban on eating humans had been lifted.
“Creepy spirit thingy, why you in Sookie’s bathroom?” —Lafayette
“Bitch stop texting me or I will eat you.” —Tara’s text
“There are two things I try to stay away from: Humans who eat a lot of fish and politics.” —Pam
“Just because we drank a bitch together doesn’t make us Oprah and Gayle.” —Pam
“She’s a mind-reader with electric fingers and a fetish for fangers. If that ain’t a sup I don’t know what is.” —Sweetie Des Arts
“I never had a pet, my father was allergic to everything except God.” —Steve Newlin
“You better get back to slaughtering people in the name of God.” —Eric
Well folks! Did you like this episode of True Blood? Are the storylines finally merging? Worried about Eric’s fate next week? Hit the comments!