Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 3, Episode 5 of ABC Family’s “Pretty Little Liars,” entitled “That Girl Is Poison.”
This week on Pretty Little Liars, Jenna tries to convince everyone she’s totally normal by throwing a mad hatter party, Aria actually executes a pretty killer plan, and Emily continues her girlfriend curse by drugging Paige.
Pretty lesbians of Rosewood, Pennsylvania I implore you to tread carefully when trying to woo Emily Fields. She’s two out of four so far with girlfriend deaths. That means if you date Emily there is a fifty-fifty chance you will end up six feet under. Just something to think about ladies.
Unlike in Alice in Wonderland, the magical pills in this week’s episode don’t make you taller or smaller, but they do make you assault cupcakes and have extreme memory loss. Looks like Emily’s blackout from “that night” was helped along with a little extra push from ‘A’. Or is it Lucas? Aria’s brilliant plan gets her into his camera bag, where she finds he has a similar stash of sleeping pills used to treat aggressive inmates.
All season I have been joking that Lucas has been acting like an extra from Breaking Bad and now I can pretend for at least another week that he is the squirrely kingpin of an underground pill ring. I would wonder what the market is for an extreme memory altering sleeping pill, but this Rosewood so the odds are the market is actually pretty good.
It was a fun episode, but was one of the slowest of the season so far. Instead of everything blowing up all over the place like usual, the girls get to take a little breather. Of course, on Pretty Little Liars a breather consists of druggings, sabotage, and stealing the card of a woman in a coma. The episode also might have suffered a bit from keeping the girls mostly sequestered in their own individual storylines. We received tiny bits and pieces of the larger ‘A’ mystery, but really this week was just a tiny step forward on the chessboard.
As the episode begins, the girls all discuss how bummed Hanna is about her breakup with Caleb. How bummed is she? Well she doesn’t wear any neon colored blazers, so you know she’s really off her game. Hanna’s whole storyline this episode is basically sweatpants. Zippers are just too time-consuming when you are filled with such existential angst! Hanna’s life is a chapter from Twilight right now.
Unfortunately Ashley does not understand her pain and when she skips school she makes her daughter sort clothes at a church function. There Ashley meets a nice volunteer coordinator who is handsome and seems great, which means he will probably drive away with her in the trunk of his car in an episode. I trust no one on this show.
Hanna freaks out when she finds Emily’s jacket from THAT NIGHT. The caps lock is necessary because every time they talk about THAT NIGHT they say it with bold and underlining. I’m glad they’ve decided to try to sound less suspicious. How did the jacket get into the clothing drive? Apparently A must have donated it, meaning that Emily might have seen more than Jenna before she made it to Alison’s grave.
Flasks and Pills
In fact, Emily could have seen just about anyone THAT NIGHT because the high strength sleeping pill slipped into her flask combines with alcohol to result in memory loss. Emily finds this out the hard way, accidentally drugging Paige after she hands over her flask. I’d feel worse for Paige but I still remember when Paige romantically tried to drown Emily in the pool, so I feel like this is just karma.
Its bad timing though, as Emily invites Paige to go see the new Katy Perry concert movie with her. Paige was afraid that Emily was avoiding her, and Emily agrees she might have been. I think once your girlfriend is murdered and buried out back and you go on a drug bender around town, driving with blind girls and digging up graves you should get a small pass on being a bad friend.
Paige relents and decides to go see the Katy Perry movie with Emily, because she clearly still likes Emily and because Katy Perry’s movie is sponsoring this episode so they have no choice. In fact, I wish they had been more overt with the product placement. I would have paid good money to see Ezra and Aria do a spoken word rendition to ‘Firework’ while Jenna played the bongos in the background. But that could just be me.
Paige downs the contents of the flask Emily gives her when she sees Emily talking to Nate, getting jealous for no reason whatsoever. Then she gets amazing, eats all of Jenna’s cupcakes, and dances right into the floor. At the hospital, the doctor checks her out and finds the drugs in her system. Does Hallmark make a card for “I’m sorry I accidentally roofied you”?
Message in a Coma
The episode begins in a rather scary way. Garrett’s mother is being taken out of the house on a stretcher and Aria sees a hoodie lurking in the bushes. Is ‘A’ responsible? We don’t know for sure, but we do know that Garrett is being allowed a compassionate release from jail to see his mother.
Emily and Nate are furious. Spencer, because she is Spencer, decides this is a great opportunity to see if Garrett will try to communicate with his team on the outside. In every coma there is a silver lining, as Spencer well knows.
So in between making out with Toby and cuddling while they talk about his sister’s blindness, as normal couples do, Spencer plans her moment. She gets it when Nate jumps Garrett, giving her a moment to pop into the elevator and ride it all the way up to coma-town. Inside, she finally reads the card in the flowers. Unfortunately for her, it’s addressed to Garrett’s probably dying mother.
But propriety, personal boundaries, and good taste have never stopped Spencer before. She spots a note tucked inside his mother’s hospital bracelet. It says “April, Rose has the proof.” I initially thought it said “Amber Rose has the proof” and was like “I knew Kanye West was involved!” What does this message mean? I guess we’ll have to wait to find out.
#SDCC Recap! #TVD @Comic_Con: Elena’s Transition, the Original Original Witch and MORE for Season 4!
Aria’s Brilliant Plan
Aria is amazing this week. She starts the episode as Ezra’s sugardaddy, now that he has no money and no job. She’s plying him with food, since he is broke.
Everyday poor Ezra goes out on the mean streets of Rosewood, teaching the classics for a few quarters, a hot meal, and the occasional vinyl record. Soon he’ll have to burn his typewritten poems for warmth, since he has no modern conveniences or technology to sell. Ezra is basically a banjo away from being Zooey Deschanel in that Siri iPhone commercial.
Spencer tells Aria she has to stop treating Ezra like a baby squirrel. “Every time you baby squirrel Ezra you’re taking away his nuts,” Spencer says, securing the greatest line of the episode by miles. When Ezra gives Aria an expensive, pretentious, out-of-date camera she worries he spent too much money on it. But she didn’t have to worry, because Ezra got an editing job and was trying to take her out to dinner to celebrate.
This isn’t the only thing on Aria’s plate though. After they see Lucas once again acting like a crazy person and banging on the window of a photography studio, Aria is on the case. It turns out the photographer Laurel is the same woman Aria took a class with in the summer. Emily overhears Laurel complaining to Jenna about her old assistant, who stole her equipment to develop his own pictures. She still has his stuff, held hostage until he pays her back.
At Jenna’s insane party, Laurel is there taking pictures of all the action. And boy is there a lot of action, if by action you mean stupid hats. It looks like Alice in Wonderland, the Kentucky Derby and the royal wedding had a baby. It’s terrifying, just like Jenna.
Aria’s great idea is to dump a drink on Laurel’s equipment and then offer to go and get her replacements from her shop. Once inside, she steals Lucas’s film. As soon as she gets outside, however, Lucas is lying in wait for her, twitching around like he’s about to turn into a werewolf at any moment. He wants inside the shop and when she won’t let him he steps to her. Thankfully Ezra shows up at that moment and Lucas runs away. Although if there was one person I think Aria could beat up with her tiny little baby fists, its Lucas.
Inside his stuff, Aria finds a film roll containing the same pills used to drug Emily and Paige. Does that mean Lucas is part of the ‘A’ team?
‘A’ Tag: ‘A’ looks through a bag, at a picture of Emily, and then pulls out a prescription bottle belonging to Maya. Just what is A planning to do with those pills?
What did you think of this week’s episode? What did you make of the message in Garrett’s mother’s room? How is Lucas involved? Did he drug Emily? Share your theories in the comments!
“I haven’t been able to brush the back of my head in like a year and a half.” -Spencer
“Do you have plans tomorrow?” -Ashley
“Yeah. I’m going to listen to every sad song I’ve ever downloaded on repeat.” -Hanna
“She’s been gliding around school all day like a Thanksgiving float.” -Spencer
“He’s your boyfriend, Aria. He’s not a baby squirrel … Every time you baby squirrel Ezra, you’re taking away his nuts.” -Spencer
“Because, Spencer, I’m too depressed to work a zipper. Get over it.” -Hanna